Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
