I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
