We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
