do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
