I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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