I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
