Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
