I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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