And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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