I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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