seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
