If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
