My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
