So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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