This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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