there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
