Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
