talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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