I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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