I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
