How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
