On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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