the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
