my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
