idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
