You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
