OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
