oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
