i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
