that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
