My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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