This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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