Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
