Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
