My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
