I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
