Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
