...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
