I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The ass gains better be worth it
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