We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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