God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
