no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
