you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
