Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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