so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
