btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
