her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
These tits shall not be calmed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
