She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
