Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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