I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
