I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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