This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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