He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
