I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
