The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.