I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
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