So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
