it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
