He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
